Someone shit on the floor
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
