Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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