Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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