youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
