Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
