If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
