The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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