dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
