Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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