look no pants
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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