May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
