i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
