Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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