May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
