you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
