I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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