...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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