Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The air was thick with penises
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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