What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
