you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
