I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
