my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
