What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
