To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
