So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
