yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize