I want you more than these girls want KFC
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
