I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize