Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
