i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
