Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
