Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
