He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
