Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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