I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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