I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
