I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
