oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
