I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
