i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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