He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
