five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
