what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's get the cat blown out
i believe in u and ur pee
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
