Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
