I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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