Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
