Tell her she can't have a vagina
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm both gender and math confused
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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