I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone shattered a urinal.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
