IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
