In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
