so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
