Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
