Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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