Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
