Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
