I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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