just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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