I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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