I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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