I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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