thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
