So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
