the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
