Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
