drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
