Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
